Who Is Winning?
Lately—and for quite some time—it has seemed like God has been silent. Over the past year I have only managed to produce a handful of articles. I have blamed the silence on the distractions in my life. While there is some truth to that, I have also had a lot of time to think and reflect on what God may be doing in my life. It would be negligent of me to say that God is not doing anything significant. In many past articles I have written about my frustration with the lack of recovery after halting the disease activity of Multiple Sclerosis. It would be a lie if I said that it doesn’t affect me.
This month’s blog post is delayed because I was trying to write something while ignoring what is really happening in my spirit. For a few years I have asked God to make financial changes so I could move past some difficult situations and step away from a career that took a toll on my health. God moved, and those changes happened. It has been a tremendous blessing to have a break and time to focus on my health and my future. But that time is starting to draw to a close.
Did I need this break—this sabbatical? Absolutely. My prayer and hope was that God would move in such a way that I could finally be free from the noise. I prayed that He would guide me toward greater independence. I wanted to build a company that could demonstrate how employers should truly treat their employees.
This break has given me time to put ideas on paper. God has even brought people into my life who have allowed me to share those ideas. But the countdown has begun. There is now a race between starting a business and finding a new job with another employer. I am hoping that with the time I have left, the idea of business ownership will be the one that wins.
I have always had many ideas about what I would do if I had financial freedom. Right now, I am getting a small taste of that. I know it could be so much more—but then I think about my physical limitations. That reality changes everything. I have to think about every move I make. And I mean that literally. Sometimes people think I am ignoring them. They may even think I am being a snob. The reality is that I am concentrating so I don’t trip over my own feet. People on a weight-loss journey may joke about getting a new body when we reach heaven. I have a few other reasons for looking forward to that day. 😊
Even so, God continues to give me glimpses of what could be.
This school year I have had the opportunity to lead the middle and high school students at the Moore Activity Center. It has been a great journey so far. Each week I challenge them a little more to step outside their comfort zones. I ask them how Jesus is truly a priority in their lives. We have started video-based Bible studies and even took a small group to the D-Now event here in Northern Kentucky. God has brought together a strong group of leaders to make this happen each week. But I still find myself wanting more. What does “more” look like with a body that doesn’t always cooperate? Am I fooling myself?
As I write this article, God reminds me of Romans 5:3–5. Music is playing in the background, and two songs keep getting my attention: Breathe On It and Trust in God. Is He trying to tell me something?
I believe I do trust God. But am I expecting too much from what I’ve been given? Or am I allowing the hard days to make me doubt what can truly be accomplished? I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know exactly what the future holds. But one thing I do know—I will stay focused on the One who does know: Jesus.
Are you feeling stuck after making changes in your life that you believe God directed? Do you feel like you’ve hit a wall you cannot break through? Keep bringing it to the Lord in prayer. Let me know how it goes for you. I will continue to share updates from my own journey as well.
I’ll leave you with this reminder:
Roman 5:3-5
3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
