"Almost Five Years Later—God Still Holds Me"

To be honest, it’s hard to write this entry.

It was around this time, five years ago, that COVID began shutting down hospitals—leaving only urgent treatments accessible. The Cleveland Clinic had asked me to return for an MRI to see if the Ocrevus infusion was doing anything to slow the progression of my disease. After making the trip to Cleveland and completing the scan, I received the news: the drug wasn’t working. Deep down, part of me wasn’t surprised. (If you want to read more about those visits, you can click here.)

On May 29th, my mom and I returned to Cleveland Clinic for my annual MRI and evaluation. I haven’t been posting much on this blog lately because, honestly, I’ve been having some rough days. A lot of it has been stress-related—but there were moments when I feared that the MonSter had returned. If you follow me on Facebook, you may have seen my requests for prayer.

During this visit, I was eager to know the MRI results, but at the same time, I was bracing myself in case the news wasn’t good. It felt like a Peter walking on water moment. I know that God laid this path for me, and He’s held me through some incredibly difficult chapters. But lately, I had become so focused on the bad days that I began to lose sight of what God had already done.

In the Gospel, when Peter took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. He cried out, “Lord, save me!” And scripture tells us, “Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ He said, ‘why did you doubt?’”

Waiting for those MRI results was the longest wait I’ve had yet. Usually, I get them within a few hours—but this time, I didn’t get them until five minutes before my appointment on the following day. All I could pray was, God, keep writing this story. Show Your strength through mine.

And He did.

The results came in: no disease activity. My MRI was stable. God reached down—again—and pulled me back into the boat.

The follow-up visit went well. The team was encouraged by my progress with physical therapy, and overall, my exam was stable. I’ll return in six months, which will mark the official 5-year anniversary since halting the disease with HSCT.

I’m so grateful that even in my moments of doubt, God shows up and whispers, I’ve got you. I want to move forward—leaving behind the fear that every hard day means the disease is returning. God has already done His part. He placed the right people in my path, equipped me with strength, and surrounded me with support.

And I’m still here, still walking—because He still holds me.